Gambhirsinh, a very gullible rustic guy, recently caught a whim of learning the English language. Therefore, he visited several English classes and decided to join the one called Jai Ambe English Classes, which seemed to suit him.
On his first day in the class after paying all fees he took a seat in the front row and struggled hard, but in vain, to comprehend what the teacher was speaking in English. When other students noticed trace of discomfiture on Gambhirsinh’s face, they offered to translate the teacher’s talk and he became happy to hear everything in his mother tongue. While this private conversation in students’ mother tongue was going on, the teacher had a disdainful look at the group and consequently the group understood tacitly that the use of any language other than English was not welcome. So they stopped talking and resumed listening to the teacher intently.
After some time the teacher gave them a passage to read and asked them to answer the questions printed below the passage. Everybody was going through the passage easily but Gambhirsinh was wrestling with the text. His writhing movements drew the teacher’s attention to him and the teacher asked him, ‘Gambhirsinh, is there anything that requires my help?’. And Gambhirsinh responded, ‘Sir, please tell me the meaning of ‘baboon’’. ‘Any of a genus (Papio) of large gregarious primates of Africa and south-western Asia having a long square naked muzzle; also : any of several closely related primates,’ was the teacher’s answer, which caused more bewilderment to Gambhirsinh as he was an utter novice in learning the English language. The meaning of ‘baboon’ given by the teacher included a good number of words that Gambhirsinh had never come across. He asked the teacher, ‘But what is ‘genus’?’ And to his dismay, the teacher pontificated, ‘As you know this is an English class so it has no room for use of any other language except English. I’m not expected to explain to you things in your mother tongue, neither is any of the students here. I suggest you look up unfamiliar words in this dictionary.’ He passed him a bulky dog-eared dictionary.
Gambhirsinh felt a little embarrassed. However, he looked up the word ‘genus’ in the dictionary. It said: a class, kind, or group marked by common characteristics or by one common characteristic. Obviously, this was vague and did not make much sense to Gambhirsinh. He had a long list of words whose meaning he did not know and so wanted to ask the teacher but the teacher’s recommendation to consult a dictionary deterred him. As the teacher further went on giving an academic talk in English, Gambhirsinh’s mind was besieged by a very fundamental question: am I going to learn the English language in this way? But he did not have guts to ask anything.
The next day before coming to the class, Gambhirsinh had decided to speak his mind. He approached his teacher in private, summoning all his courage he spoke, ‘Sir, I request you to explain some things in my mother tongue. You know my English is very poor.’ The teacher answered him, ‘You know that we guarantee complete mastery of the English language after the completion of the course. And I hold a PhD in English from an “English” university. So nobody can stop you from learning English.’ These words silenced Gambhirsinh and he went back to his seat.
Two months passed but Gambhirsinh was not making any progress. English remained just as distant a possibility to him as ever. Now he really began to regret his decision and wanted the fees back. Utterly frustrated he met the teacher in private and demanded the fees back. On hearing this demand the teacher grimaced cunningly and said, ‘As you now that according to the policy of Jai Ambe English Classes, fees once paid can never be returned in any condition.’ ‘But your teaching is useless for me. I don’t think I’m going to learn English in this way.’ Then the teacher had a placatory smile and spoke, ‘Trust God, there’s no wave that does not reach the shore. If you have a strong desire, nobody can stop you learning English.’ This utterance injected temporary hope and transient enthusiasm in Gambhirsinh’s mind. Poor Gambhirsinh went back to his seat.
At home also he was making an ardent effort to learn English by reading English books, listening to BBC radio and watching English films. When he was in the classroom, he asked his teacher to tell him meanings of some words that he encountered in his reading and that were not given in his dictionary. There descended a formidable hush in the whole classroom and the teacher scrutinised Gambhirsinh and said, ‘A meaning does not lie in a dictionary; a meaning of a word does not lie in translation nor in explanation. The meaning of a word lies in constant interaction between the reader and the text.’ This made Gambhirsinh gobsmacked. He said, ‘Sir, sorry. I did not understand anything of what you have said.’ There was no answer from the teacher but sheer indifference on the teacher’s face.
The next day, Gambhirsinh was hell-bent on taking his fees back. He met the teacher and demanded the fees back. The teacher told him, ‘There can be many reasons for not being able to learn English. Some of them have been listed in this pamphlet. You might as well go through them.’ Gambhirsinh started reading the pamphlet. ‘First, you cannot learn English because you do not believe in patience. Second, none of your parents is of English origin. Third, you might have committed some sins in your past, which prevents you from learning English. Fourth, you cannot learn English because you have never been to England. Fifth, your dislike for English culture can also be responsible for your not being able to learn English. Sixth your teacher is not English.’ After going through these strange reasons for not being able to learn English, Gambhirsinh became more fuddled. When he vociferously demanded his money back, the teacher motioned at an office-boy and the office-boy started rubbing a stone on a brick. Pointing his finger at this bizarre thing, the teacher said, ‘Look at him.’ Gambhirsinh asked, ‘What’s he doing?’ The teacher answered, ‘He is trying to make a mirror of the brick by rubbing it. How long do you think it will take him?’ Gambhirsinh said, ‘The brick is not going to become a mirror, even though he keeps rubbing and polishing it for all his life.’ Then the teacher grinned and said, ‘Now you got me. You are a brick. And I can’t transform you into a mirror, however hard I rub you. A babul tree never bears mangos. You cursed soul...! You are genetically engineered in such a way that you can never learn the English language.’
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